Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
