I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
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