I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
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Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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