I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
