Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
