I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
