I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
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I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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