U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
