**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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