8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Houston, we have a squirter
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
