I want to walk on stilts...naked
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
