it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
