I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize