hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
