I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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