God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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