So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
