He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Congratulations! We have a period
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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