my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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