you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
