This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
