i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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