Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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