Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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