did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
