I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
