oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
