What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
