I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
