I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
