So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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