3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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