dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
