im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
