so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
