She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
