I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
