That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
