I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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