Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
