ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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