wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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