If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize