the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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