I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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