you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she told me i tasted like america
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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