I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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