Banned from zoo.
Again?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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