I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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