Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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