what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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