she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
