now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
