i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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