some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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