today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
