u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
