forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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