I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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