So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
