Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
