So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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