Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
