I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
