he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
