Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
