Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
