He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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