Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
