i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
People in love make me want to vomit
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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