Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
