What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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