I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
