1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize