so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
