i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
