Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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