my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
