I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
