After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
