Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
